Dating

topic posted Sun, October 30, 2005 - 11:07 PM by  Jon
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Do you exclusively date non-believers or the non-religious?

Fortunately I live in SF, so there are many people here that are non-believers or close to it. However, I rarely meet women that admit they are atheists. I do not think I could seriously date a regular churchgoer. Having said this, I am pretty infatuated with a "semi-new age" fundamentalist Christian girl I know that lives in my neighborhood. Attraction is not a choice.

Where do (or did) you draw the line, if anywhere?
posted by:
Jon
offline Jon
SF Bay Area
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  • HLS
    HLS
    offline 7

    Re: Dating

    Mon, October 31, 2005 - 5:53 AM
    Can't see myself ever dating a religious person; even dating a non-practicing believer (one of my exes) was not easy and generated severqal arguments. My current is a self-proclaimed agnostic, which I can live with.

  • Unsu...
     

    Re: Dating

    Mon, October 31, 2005 - 10:00 AM
    Good question. Both of my serious relationships to date have been with nonpracticing, nondenominational "I believe there's *something* but I don't think anyone has a line on it" types. I would certainly have preferred that they were atheist or at least agnostic; it could feel like a big gulf between us, those times when I overanalyzed the relationship ("can we really be right for each other?" sorta stuff)... but, ultimately, the differences in our philosophies never caused any real problems.

    Since atheism isn't the first quality I look for in people (not even in the top twenty), and it's pretty damn rare, I don't think I'll hold out for it. I accept that many people just don't see the issue as being as important as I do.

    On the other hand, I don't think I could even date a churchgoer, someone who holds the conviction that their specific religion is the True one, or someone who allows dogma to determine important decisions in life - much less have anything serious with one.

    I have dated people who believe in the supernatural in general, but again, I don't think I could if they based significant decisions on it (say, astrology).
  • Re: Dating

    Mon, October 31, 2005 - 10:42 AM
    I don't date believers.

    It comes down to the fact that I have a very hard time respecting people who think there's some deity floating around, and that level of disrespect wouldn't be conducive to a healthy relationship.
    • Re: Dating

      Mon, October 31, 2005 - 1:03 PM
      Maybe that's why we are in a minority, we don't reproduce well!
      • Re: Dating

        Tue, November 1, 2005 - 5:01 AM
        This is about to change with genetic engineering and cloning.

        You see, fundies are, well, fundamentally opposed to the idea of genetic engineering and cloning humans. The problem with this stand is that those not opposed to such meddling will gain a unique and powerfull evolutionary advantage over those who opposed to it.

        Since most of those who favor genetic meddling also see religious mindedness as a less than desirable trait, religion will be genetically weeded out.

        Hold on my logical brother (or sister?). Our time is coming!
        • Re: Dating

          Tue, November 1, 2005 - 6:17 AM
          Marching atheist clone armies take over the world! But fundies are, if nothing, flexible when push comes to shove. They freely admit to things now that the church would burn people at the stake for a few centuries ago. They would get a sign from God that they should fight the Devil with his own tactics and make a fundy clone army. See Star Trek, Clone Wars!
          • Re: Dating

            Tue, November 1, 2005 - 6:26 PM
            Perhaps we should mate with believers just to plant and spread our seed.

            Two years and two kids after the marriage: Honey, I have something to tell you. I have no Porshe, I'm not a millionaire, and I'm a full blown Atheist and I've opened an educational trust account to send our kids to MIT.
    • Re: Dating

      Sat, November 26, 2005 - 5:31 PM
      I dated a semi-lapsed believer once and it was the worst mistake I've ever made in the romantic arena.

      Granted, not all of our problems stemmed from that difference, but a lot of them did (it's amazing how many political stances ultimately can be traced directly to a conscious or unconscious belief in a particular point of religious doctrine). That experience taught me what Patti has already said, that even a small amount of mutual intellectual disrespect never bodes well for that relationship's outcome.

      Then too (although I was personally fortunate on this point) the possible consequences for an atheist breaking the well-known bumper sticker law "Don't sleep with pro-lifers" start at heart-breaking, and only get worse from there.

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